Abstinence Means: Not Having Sexual Intercourse

What is Abstinence?

Abstinence means avoiding sex. Sex, of course means different things to different people. Some people define sex as penis-in-vagina intercourse. Others may include oral sex, anal sex, or even kissing and touching (petting). The way you define "sex" determines what activities you will avoid if you chose to abstain from having sex. For the purpose of this handout, we will focus on abstaining from penis-in-vagina intercourse as the goal of this handout is to help you prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

Abstinence is a choice and one can select abstinence for many reasons. It can be chosen for religious or moral reasons, for prevention of Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), because there is no "good" partner available, for financial reasons or simply because you feel it is in your best interest. It is important to know that it is perfectly all right to go through long or short periods of your life, or periods of time within a single relationship, during which you choose to abstain and then balance this off with periods during which you choose to have sex. The decision to have sex is yours and yours alone. You should never feel that you have to be sexual if you do not feel that it is the right decision for you, no matter what anyone else thinks, believes or says.

Abstinence Has Some Important Advantages:

Abstinence is free and available to everyone.

When used and used correctly it is essentially a 100% effective method.

No medical or hormonal side effects.

It's extremely effective method of preventing both pregnancy and STDs.

It can be started at any time in your life and you can maintain as long or short a period of time as you wish.

Abstinence may encourage people to build relationships in other ways then around sex.

It may be the course of action which you feel is right for you and makes you feel good about yourself.

Many religions and individual couples desire or endorse abstinence for unmarried people.

Abstinence Has Some Important Disadvantages:

If you're counting on abstinence, and you change your mind in the heat of the moment, you might not have birth control handy. Some people should be prepared and at least have a condom or a spermicide available in case they change their mind. Others feel that having a contraceptive available might tempt them. Hence unless you are very clear and are mentally abstinence can be a basis for confusion

Some people find not having sex frustrating.

It is difficult for some people to abstain from sex play for long periods.

Many relationships do better when the "sexual" part is out of the way and then the couple can concentrate on getting to know each other in other ways. In these situations abstinence can actually block a growing relationship.

When abstinence is used for the wrong reasons, even if it is the right thing to do, it can cause confusion, conflict and guilt. It should never be done to please parents, church or partners when it is not what you really want to do.

Where Do I Start?

What you do sexually is an important decision. Start by thinking it through carefully for yourself. You may want to discuss your decision with another person whom you respect. You may want to pray, meditate, or talk it over with your partner. Some churches and sex education programs have organized support groups or curricula for young people wanting to wait until marriage before having intercourse. If you are going to abstain be sure that the reasons you are doing it are the right reasons for you. When it is failure are much less likely.

What If I Have Sex and Don't Use Birth Control?

First of all, if you really do not want to become pregnant you will have only 72 hours after unprotected sex to take advantage of one of the emergency contraceptive pill (the so-called Morning After Pill) methods to avoid becoming pregnant. You can however, for up to 7 days after unprotected sex, have an IUD placed into your uterus (see information on IUDs). Not all doctors, however, either know about emergency contraception or how to prescribe it This is something that you should have discussed with your doctor at a regular examination.